I Don't Know What Happened

It hit me.  I was minding my own business, watching The Walking Dead, and I saw some Thanksgiving commercial or another.  It struck then - the feeling of failure... of despair... of loneliness.  The Darkness, as I so quaintly refer to it as, has returned from a pretty-damn lengthy vacation, and struck me - hard.  I was (am) sitting here, sinking deeper into it, letting it envelope me... and I'm not sure I'll be able to fight it off for awhile.  Thing is, I'm not sure I want to.  Of course, the power with which it struck - I could feel my eyes moistening, feeling very close to be on the verge of tears - and I was completely unprepared for it.

Now, my head is starting to hurting, and all I want to do is leave.  Leave where?  Leave here, in every way that could possibly mean.  Clearly, my living situation is fubar, and an earlier altercation (not involving me directly) in the house probably watered a seed which was... okay, IS already there... but I didn't expect to get hit like this.

I'm sinking in this.  I think I'll indulge for awhile, let it run its course.

Fuck.